Until a few years ago, I had a problem: Why Is my Mom Keep Telling Me What To Do over and over again? I’ve often heard my mom telling me what I should and shouldn’t do. This happened to me many times over the past few years. But now, I’ve found a solution to this problem. If you want to know how I did it, I’m going to share every little detail with you. It might be a bit long, but I’m ready.
At that time, it felt like she always wanted to give her opinion about my life. Maybe her intentions were good, but now I’ve grown up and want to live my life my way. The conflict between her desire to control my life and my need for freedom was affecting our relationship.
Many young people can relate to this feeling. We are stuck somewhere between being a child and an adult in our parents’ eyes. A mother’s natural desire to keep her child safe only adds to this tension. When I thought about why my mom does this, I saw many reasons behind it.
Table of Contents
Difference between mother and children – Key points:
Different thinking: Moms and kids grow up in different times, so their thinking is different. A mom’s experiences and thoughts are tied to the past, while kids have new and modern thoughts. This is the biggest difference.
Strict behavior of moms: Sometimes moms are strict in raising their kids. They want their kids to follow the right path, so they can become harsh at times. Kids don’t understand this strictness and consider it unfair.
Expressing emotions openly: Kids always want to talk openly with their moms about their feelings and needs. This will help moms understand what kids think and want.
Setting boundaries: Moms should tell their kids what they are allowed to do and what not. This will reduce misunderstandings and prevent tension in the relationship.
Solving problems: If there’s a conflict in the family, it should be resolved by sitting together. Moms and kids should talk and find a solution together.
Balance and respect: Balance and mutual respect are very important in the mom-kid relationship. Kids should respect their moms, and moms should care about their kids’ feelings and desires. This strengthens the relationship and increases love.
Note -: What should you do if a touch makes you feel uncomfortable?
Let’s now understand this problem from its root.
When kids grow up, it’s hard for parents to decide when to give advice and when to let their kids make their own decisions. A study involving 184 children aged 13 to 32 found that those who faced more parental interference during adolescence were less successful by the age of 30. This means that too much parental interference has long-term negative effects on kids.
For example, if parents always tell their child what to do and don’t let them make any decisions, that child might not perform well in work and relationships as they grow up. Additionally, many young adults are financially dependent on their parents, even if they live separately. This makes parents feel that they still need to make decisions for their grown-up kids. When these parents become grandparents, they may also interfere too much in raising their grandchildren.
For example, grandparents might start making decisions about the child’s food or school, causing problems for the child’s actual parents.
Exploring the reasons for too much parental interference:
Experts believe that parental control affects kids at every stage of life, from preschool to college. Psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary explains that such parents often criticize their child’s choices and set very high and difficult standards for them. They don’t show affection until the child meets their expectations.
According to Tsabary, these parents often have strict rules driven by their fears and anxieties, with no flexibility. They fail to understand their child’s need for personal space and want the child to conform to their ideals.
Generational gaps and shifting perspectives on independence
Parents’ excessive control over their kids can be harmful to their development, whether the child is young or in college.
For example, if a child doesn’t get good grades, parents might force them to study more. This could make the child feel tired, stressed, and it could even affect their studies.
Psychologist Shefali Tsabary says that such parents often view their child’s choices as wrong and set very difficult expectations for them. Collins says that such parents show love only when the child meets their expectations.
Impact of the mom-child relationship:
The relationship between a mom and child is very important. A good relationship helps a child’s happiness and health, while a bad relationship can disrupt their mental balance.
For example, if a mom spends more time with her child and understands their emotions, the child will feel happy and confident. But if the mom is too controlling and ignores the child’s feelings, the child might feel lonely and their mental balance could be affected.
With this understanding, we can help kids become confident and independent so they can choose their own path in life.
Respectful Communication Techniques
Setting boundaries and protecting them is important in a relationship. For this, good communication is key. When talking to your mom, try to share your feelings politely with her. Let her know what you need and try to understand her needs and concerns.
For example, if you feel that your mom calls you too often and it makes you uncomfortable, you could talk to her politely, like, “Mom, I feel a bit uncomfortable with the daily calls. Can we talk once a week instead?” This way, your mom will understand your needs.
If your mom doesn’t accept this, you need to be patient with her. You can make your boundaries clear but don’t let it become a hindrance in moving forward. Suggest other ways that might work for both of you.
Setting appropriate boundaries and expectations:
You can make your relationship more friendly by deciding how often you’ll meet, what you’ll discuss, or what your personal time and space will be. Clearly state these rules and follow them when necessary.
Setting rules is a way of taking care of yourself and respecting your needs. It shows that you love your mom but also focus on your own growth. With time and understanding, you can make these changes and build a good relationship.
For example:
If you and your mom meet every day and sometimes you can’t finish your work, you can set a rule that you’ll meet only three times a week. Also, you can decide to discuss only things that make both of you happy, like old memories or your mom’s hobbies. This way, you both will have a good time and your work won’t be disrupted.
“Boundaries are not just lines we draw, but bridges we build to protect and connect with those we love.”
By using these tips, you can gain your independence, build respect, and improve your relationship with your mom. Remember, setting boundaries is a process that takes time and patience, but it’s worth it.
Note-: Why Do Moms Wake Up Scared?
Why Is my Mom Keep Telling Me What To Do
Sometimes mothers tell their older children what to do and what not to do for a variety of reasons. These include generation gap, different ideas and the need for control. It’s important to understand these so that relationships remain good and everyone’s independence is respected. And it’s important, too.
Therapists say that some mothers behave inappropriately, such as gaslighting, manipulation, emotional abuse and a need to control. These things can undermine a child’s self-confidence and prevent him from making his own decisions.
Understanding and repairing a mother-child relationship takes time. By respecting each other, understanding the value of being different and finding things that interest both of you, you can move past these problems and live a more fulfilling life.
Note-: 13 Reasons Why Do Moms Hate Their Daughters? Understanding the Complex Dynamics
Examples:
- Generation gap: A mother feels that the son should get married early, while the son wants to focus on his career.
- Ideas of independence: The daughter wants to stay out late at night, but the mother is worried and insists on coming home early.
- Problems of control: The mother gives her opinion in every small and big decision, like which job to do, whom to befriend, etc., due to which the child has trouble with his likes and dislikes.
To solve such problems, respect and understanding are needed. Mother and child should understand and accept each other’s feelings.
| Toxic Maternal Behaviors | Impact on the Child |
|---|---|
| Gaslighting, Manipulation, Emotional Abuse, Control Issues | Stunted Personal Growth, Undermined Self-Confidence, Enmeshment, Over-Reliance |
“The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.”
– Frank A. Clark
“The greatest gift a parent can give a child is to let them be who they are.”
Seeking professional support when needed
If parental control becomes too much, it’s important to seek help for your mental health. Counseling and therapy provide a safe space where we can solve our problems, learn ways to cope, and handle family issues better.
It’s important to know when to seek help so we can deal with the effects of excessive parental control.
Example:
Problem: Olivia’s parents always keep an eye on her and don’t let her make any decisions. This causes Olivia a lot of stress and she starts feeling depressed.
Solution: Olivia decided to see a counselor. Through counseling, Olivia learned how to talk to her parents and express her feelings. This reduced her stress and made her happier.
Problem: Noah’s parents are always worried about his studies and career and don’t let him do anything his way. This makes Noah very angry and frustrated.
Solution: Noah went for therapy. In therapy, he learned how to communicate with his parents and solve his problems. This improved his relationship with his parents and his mental state.
“The wounds of smothering and controlling are common in certain cultures and can affect the mental health and well-being of the child.”
Conclusion
This article explains why it’s important to respect each other, communicate openly, and find common interests. The advice given can help you deal with difficulties with a difficult mom. These tips can help you heal emotional pain and live as an independent person.
Remember, improving your relationship with your mom is an ongoing task. By taking care of yourself, building confidence, and staying positive, you can overcome difficulties and improve your relationship. Remember the good things about your mom, but also walk your own path for happiness and growth.”
FAQ
Why does my mom keep telling me what to do?
Your mom might keep telling you what to do because of her own background, emotional needs, or a need to feel in charge. Differences in how people view independence and adulthood across generations can also play a role.
What are the potential dangers of a mother’s intrusive and controlling behavior?
Such behavior can lead to emotional abuse, less independence, and lower self-esteem. It can stop you from growing into a confident, independent adult.
How can I assert my boundaries and reclaim my autonomy within the mother-child relationship?
Using good communication skills, like sharing your feelings and setting clear limits, can help. This approach keeps the relationship strong while you grow and become more independent.
How can I build a more respectful and balanced mother-child relationship?
Encouraging open talk, empathy, and compromise can make the relationship healthier. This way, your mom will respect your unique choices and identity.
What can I do to overcome the generational conflicts that contribute to the challenges in my relationship with my mom?
Understanding each other better, finding things you both like, and talking things out can help. These steps can bridge the gap between different views and expectations.
How can I address the mental health implications of my mother’s controlling behavior?
Noticing signs of emotional issues like anxiety or depression is key. Getting professional help is also crucial to deal with the mental effects of this situation.
When is it necessary to create emotional distance from a controlling or toxic mother?
If your mom’s actions are always controlling or harmful, putting your emotional health first is vital. Setting healthy limits might mean taking some space from her.
How can I rebuild trust and foster healthier dynamics within the mother-child relationship?
Talking openly, finding common ground, and aiming for respect can help. These actions can mend trust and improve the relationship after tough times or distance.
Note:- 13 Reasons Why Do Moms Hate Their Daughters? Understanding the Complex Dynamics